February 6th, 2017

Dear Riley,

I am writing this to you after a rough week with one of my own parents. You see – they had a medical emergency and when your Aunts and I prepared to rush to their side, we were told we weren’t wanted.

As a daughter; I was hurt, upset, devastated and couldn’t understand why I couldn’t be with them. Selfishly this was more for my own sake than theirs, but I didn’t care. I wanted them to know we were there, I wanted to be needed, I wanted to be with them, I wanted to go to them. When we got the news, you were in bed already asleep, and as I tried to settle down for the night knowing I couldn’t see my parent, someone who gave me life and was now fighting for theirs I felt a rush of emotion, not for me – but for you my sweetness.

As a parent myself I came to the understanding of not wanting to burden your child with worry or to show them you are weak, but I am not only a parent, I am still a daughter. It hit me that as you Riley get older you will need me less, and I in turn will need you more.

I will need you to call me and tell me how your day went. I will need you to come over to my house for dinner once and a while so I can count your fingers and toes and see for myself that you are alright. I will need you to make plans with me, and show me you love me and still need me, even though I know that may not be true.

I need you to make me a promise, and in turn I will make you a promise.

Promise me you will come for me, come to me. Promise me that you will still show up, you will still come over, you will still be in my life – even when your life gets busy. Even if someone tells you not to come to my side, don’t listen to them.

And I, my sweetness – I promise you that I will come for you. When you call in the middle of the night because your heart has been broken: I will come for you, I will come to you. When you text me and ask if I am busy – I promise you I will drop everything and tell you I am not. I will never be too busy for you. I will always be there for you, I will always come to you. I can’t not tell you enough that you are my whole world. I thought I could never be happier than the day you were born, but every day I see you, I watch you grow my heart gets fuller.

As I held you last night during one of our late night rendezvous, I watched as your little eyes became heavy again, and your cries softened because I was there – that’s all you wanted. You wanted me… You will always have me.

I will always come for you, come to you.

Always yours

– Momma


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